maybe when we decided to decide what we want to do with this life of ours that we are completing together you can let me know what you have decided you decided together (alone). i am rinsing my hands of forgotten values and ends, to which you have masked with your spacious leaf like grin.

Cocaine Statistics

• 1 out of 4 Americans between the age of 26 and 34 have used cocaine in their lifetime.


• According to the Minnesota Institute for Public Health and drug prevention resource center, 5,000 adults in the United States try cocaine for the first time each day. (1985)


• Today it is estimated that 22 to 25 million people have tried cocaine at least once. Conservative estimates indicate that there are over two million cocaine addicts in the United States today.


• Contrary to earlier belief high dose use of cocaine can be detected as long as 10 to 22 days after last use.


• Near half of all drug related emergency room visits are due to cocaine abuse.


• The annual number of new cocaine users has generally increased over time. In 1975 there were 30,000 new users. The number increased from 300,000 in 1986 to 361,000 in 2000.


• Rates of cocaine use by college students over the previous 5 years has varied between 2.0% of all students in 1994 to 4.8% in 2000.


• Of high school seniors in 2001, 8.2% reported having ever used cocaine.


• From 1997 to 2000 cocaine was the most common drug reported in emergency room episodes.


• Cocaine use among men is almost twice then women. Based upon additional data sources, the office of National Drug Control Policy estimates the number of chronic cocaine users at 3.6 million.


• Adults 18 to 25 years of age currently have the highest percentage of cocaine use than any other age group.


• 90% of cocaine users smoked, drank, or used marijuana before trying cocaine.


• In 1988, about 300,000 infants were born addicted to cocaine.

fuck your feel good bull-shit.

so much pain felt in months. the days cease to collide. i am breathing deeper now. avoiding at all costs, the feeling that i feel when i FEEL. more fucked up, than ever before. i am angry. this hurt that continues to plague my skin. it consumes what is left of my ache and my pain.
FEELMESOTENDER. with your loving hands, i fail to commit adultery. although i know, i know him and it would be that easy. you wont ever keep a promise, i won't ever commit a sin. and i am paying for your mistakes, in him. he is small and ever so loving. and i mean threads to him. acres and miles. he is my everything and all, and i am his next of kin. believe it when i tell you, i have nothing else within.
IMNOTDRUGGED AND I SHOULDBE
IM NOT ON DRUGS CAUSE THEY FAIL ME
IM NOT DRUGS AND I SHOULD BE
IM NOT ON DRUGS CAUSE I SHOULD BE
IM NOT ON DRUGS AND I NEED TO
IM SELF MEDITATING MY MEANS TO
SURVIVE.

im'back

it is where it is. and we consume. her and i. we and him. him and her. we and them. i wish for a simplicity that isn't under oath. we blame eachother for the faults that are within. he brings trouble to the life which is him. and as she crosses the street, her limbs are no longer in tact. she is dragged, and remembered as such. poor elderly heart. i feel his remorse in my veins.
and she cries,
im sorry old friend, im sorry again.

Thank you for everything, last night....everyone.
It is nice knowing, I will be so dearly missed.

BE BACK OH SO SOON!

happy birthday, best friend.

ive sat by the weak and weary
ive fed him while he couldnt move
i met the demon of cancer
in young and old
ive sat with the addict
and told him in strengths
i believed in what could be
ive sat amongst the survivors
who saw their lovers die
and ive held their hand
and looked to the sky
as if to say "I'll see you soon, oh loved one"

hardship, after hardship, after hardship.
and to think-these were the people closest to me

ive sat around weeping too many days,
and now i am much too strong for your pettiness.