to what do i owe this embarrassment?
he shames me, so lovingly
i can't remember a time where I was okay with how it was unraveling in front of my brown swollen eyes
MAKE PEACE
with me my lover, and tell me where I am coming from
(because sometimes I forget where I am coming from)
Its meaningless,
I held your truth-filled lies so deeply in my heart
Teach me how to forgive you,
When it feels like every day I am trying to forgive you.
Who will ever be good enough for swollen teeth and hearts and eyes?
Why can't I forgive myself for wallowing myself into ecstasy and denial?
My body rejects the chemical, before my mind does.
And you love him so, you love him for the comfort of feeling home.
And where he takes you and makes you hold his hand again and again.
"You don't need him!" is all I can scream in the back of my mind when I am without.
What hypocrites we bleed,
What contradictions we entail.
